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I'm posting mostly over at Quirky Cookery right now, where I play with my food and teach you to have fun with it, too. Come check me out?

Child Molestation....On Me

~Warning~ Once again, my apologies if this starts to resemble a mommy blog for a while. I take pride in my girlies and can't help writing about them every now and then.

"Foof!" I flopped down on the couch after dinner, hoping to grab a few minutes of peace before starting the next task.

"Foof! "Hmph!" "Uuuggghhh..." The sounds come almost simultaneously as a 4 year old jumps on my back, causing the couch to sink even further and my stomach to groan after a large meal.

"Baby, my belly, it's so full....you can't jump on me like that," I try to explain while forcing her off of me. "See? It's full," I say, patting my belly and closing my eyes, hoping she'll just go away.

"Can I see those, too?"

"Hmm? See what?" One eye peeks out at her, catching a glimpse of her pointing finger.

"Those." She pokes my chest with a not-so-gentle prod.

"No!" I shriek, as she starts poking them both. "Hey, hey! I said 'no'..." Grabbing her hand, I push her away and try to ignoring her insistent questions.

"But why? I just wanna see them. Can I see them? Why won't you show me?"

"Gah!" I think to myself. "Because they're mine and I don't want to." Then of course, my mind goes through the series of thoughts about how it's a natural part of the body, blah, blah, blah....but no!

"I'll show you mine. See?" She pulls up her shirt and I'm blinded by a pot belly and what she calls "boobies." Baby boobies.

"Pull your shirt down, goof. I don't want to see them." I grab her and tuck her into me, realizing that my mind is incapable of changing the subject.....so I begin tickling her until she can no longer talk. "Ha!" I think to myself. "I've won and her four year old mind has forgotten the awkwardness that every four year old seems to put me through." After all, it's not the first time my chest has been examined by little ones. It's not the first time I've been poked and prodded unexpectedly by some curious child. But still...no.

I haven't won, though. Oh no, of course not....

"Ah!! Stop that!" I shriek yet again....this time, only vaguely aware of how high pitched my voice has become. After a few minutes of tickling, wrestling, and getting tangled in each other, she's flipped around to where her feet are near my face....and consequently, her hands are in range to shove up my shorts.

"Hehehehe." She can't stop giggling....and I'm not tickling her now. She's getting some sort of sick pleasure out of watching me squirm, grabbing wildly at her hands, attempting to get them out of places they shouldn't be.

"No really, stop it." She can't hear me. She can barely keep her hands in place because her giggle has turned into a full fledged giggle.

"But..but...but. I...just....I just want to.....but I just want to...." She's laughing and wiggling too much to put together a full sentence. Eventually she spits out something about just wanting to see my panties. I cringe at the word alone, but I don't even notice because every time I get her hands out, somehow they find their way back in.

"Hey!" This time it's her screaming out. I found her weak spot in between laughs and pinned her down with both legs. I sit up, grabbing both her hands and she's done for. To make matters worse, the couch is leather and she's sweating so badly now that she's sticking to it.

"Gotcha." Finally, victory is mine. My chest has been violated and my underwear has crept to unknown places, hoping to find safety from invading fingers....but I win.

You see, children are much like dogs when you first meet them. The first thing they want to do is shove their nose up your butt, and no matter how many times you shoo them away, they come right back, making things awkward when in the company of others (which, if you're meeting a new dog, it's likely at someone else's house, and of course you're going to have witnesses). You can push and shove and shriek even, but they won't give up until they're ready.

The only difference is, kids take a lot longer to get used to you....and they'll even ask awkward questions at the most inopportune moment. Their curiosity is not only physically intrusive, but verbally, they can turn anyone's face red in a split second.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some creeping underwear that needs to be coaxed out of hiding.

Anonymous said...

Hey girl! :) Love the new look! No guilt on the cat blogging. I predict it'll become the next new thing. Power to the kittehs!

Anonymous said...

Excuse me while I fall about the place laughing like an idiot.

Excellent and true!

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