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Doing it Long Distance- Tips for the Young LDR Couples (Guest)

Another guest post here from Jennifer. It's not the quirkiest of posts, but it is good info. :) Remember, if you have something quirky to share, shoot me an email.

Ninety percent of communication comes from body language, facial expression, energy you unwittingly throw, and tone of voice- and the basis of a relationship depends largely on physical energy- I don’t care who says otherwise.

Words are simply detail modifiers in an otherwise visual and energy based communication. Knowing this, it becomes clear just how dangerous communication can be in long distance relationships- especially if you’re both young and happen to be going out drinking with friends.

We all know phone calls after nights like those, in long distance relationships, generally don’t end well.
If “forced” into long distance communication (and I use the term “forced” loosely, because we really have a choice even if we don’t like to think so), there are factors that must be taken into account when using email and text.

Communication with loving intent must be a priority- that means no yelling, typing in all caps asking WHAT ARE YOU DOING AT THE BAR THIS LATE? or incessant phone calls when it’s clear they are out with friends.

1. Language base is critical.
If you are English speaking, dating another English speaking person, don’t be fooled into thinking you may not be talking two completely different languages to each other. The lack of tonal qualities, emoticons are critical. 

It may seem silly. It’s not. A single sentence that can be taken either as a joke or as an insult can take weeks to repair the long distance emotional damage caused by misunderstanding intent.
That also means no flat answers like: “Yeah. I’m fine.” (Said in monotone).
Don’t do it.

2. Add language differences into the pot and you have a stew ready to blow.

Are you an English speaking person dating someone from say…Borneo… who speaks English as a third language? No slang. No contractions. No exceptions. 

That will avoid a myriad of potential blowouts. In particular, English uses single words for multiple meanings unlike most other languages, leaving the foreign mate in total confusion over your true intent.
Subtle innuendos that Americans catch immediately will blow over the head of a foreigner. 

You know what you are saying and what you feel when you type. Your partner does not. Make your intent clear or risk being sworn at in another language.

3. Avoid, at all cost, having conversations of an emotional nature in text.
It will fail you every time. This one act will destroy a relationship before it even gets off the ground.

All personal conversations that have the potential to carry emotional responses must be on the phone and should be face to face whenever possible. That means if you’re having a “I can’t do this anymore” moment after 5 shots, do not text your partner frantically. 

You’ll regret it in the morning- trust me. Think it over, or wait until you’re in person and face to face.

4. Do not depend on written language as your main mode of communication.
It is altogether lacking of human affect. Your relationship is with a living being, not a computer screen.
Call her a few times a week. Laugh and have fun. Tease her in loving ways. Hear each other’s voices regularly and communicate daily.

5. Go out of your way to be extra kind to one another.
Long distance relationships are painful and can leave each partner hurting for attention. Extra kindness may not be needed during a normal relationship. Long distance is not normal. 
6. Taking turns visiting each other.
If you want this relationship to last, you must see one another face to face as often as humanly possible. 

That means that your partner is the number one force in your life. No exclusions. 
7. Make a habit of sending little notes of love.
This can be as simple as a single smiley face in text on the cell phone at intermittent times of day. Keep them unexpected and fun. Don’t feel ashamed about being so romantic either. It’ll be kept between you and her. 
8. Finally, no sarcasm, ever!
You are attempting to move ninety percent of communication into a ten percent mode. This takes effort, humor, open love and a willingness to go overboard in understanding your mate’s needs.

You love him, right? That being the case, make it your priority, no matter how far away you are from each other.

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