Top 100 One Liner Jokes and Comments

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

Top 100 One Liners is a site that lists just that....a whole bunch of one-liners. People can rate them and the top 100 are updated 4 times a day so they're always moving around and changing order. You can also request a random one-liner or check out teh latest submissions.

Scared of clowns?

This probably isn't for those of you who have coulrophobia (fear of clowns). It's not scary. It's not anything exaggerated or crazy. It's just a clown generator and for the rest of us, it can be kind of fun. You can pick all the silly features or just click randomize and it'll give you all sorts of fun combinations. Scroll your mouse over the picture and it'll quickly change all the features, too, hehe.

Clown generator

Etch-a-sketch art recreates greatest paintings, buildings, etc

There's several more in this article, including the Mona Lisa, Starry Night, Wizard of Oz cast, and a self-portrait of the artist. It's amazing what some people can do with Etch-A-Sketches!

Tattoos, tattoos, and more tattoos! EvilTattoo.com

There are so many tattoos that I spent way longer than I'd care to admit, looking through them to find one to use as a picture for this post.

Needless to say, I gave up. There are just too many to choose from!

This isn't your typical "show off your latest tattoo" site either. They have collections of black and white photos even of tattoos from generations past. And the pictures are all separated into nice, neat little categories so if you're looking for something specific, it's there. From aliens to zodiac tattoos, I can't even imagine how many photos are there. You can also browse by body part....from ankle tattoos to wrist tattoos.

Eviltatoo.com

It's giveaway time! (Better Homes and Gardens)

Hey guys, it's time for another giveaway. Actually, over the upcoming months, I have several different giveaways, including an Asian dining set, some cookbooks, flash drives, and a few other various goodies.

For now, though, we'll kick-off my giveaway spree with a subscription (12 issues, once a month) to Better Homes and Gardens. It seems like BHG has been around for forever and a day, and even though many magazines are going under as the internet takes over, they seem to be holding up pretty good. Actually, I just checked, and it seems they've been going at it since 1922. Holy cow, they'll be coming up on their 100 year anniversary before they know it.

Part of the reason I'm doing all these upcoming giveaways is to go along with the release of my newest silly site, Quirky Cookery (hence the cooking-related products later). I've been working on it for a while and I think most of you will love it. It's so much fun and basically, all about me playing with my food. You'll find my quirky creations there, along with interesting recipes I'm trying out, wacky products, tons of pictures, stories and more.

Exciting, huh? But let's get you guys to the giveaway for now, considering that's why most people will see this. ;)

Contest Rules

Required entry: Comment below. (Comments are open and you can comment anonymously, but I need a valid email address or I won't be able to contact you if you're a winner.)

Ways to get more entries:
(For each entry, please leave a separate comment below letting me know what you did. If you're already a subscriber, just leave a comment saying so. If you follow me on Twitter or tweet about the contest, tell me your username in a new comment.)

-- Subscribe to Quirky Jessi (lots of ways....using RSS, through Blogger, or even by email)

-- Subscribe to Quirky Cookery

-- Comment on Quirky Cookery (any post is fine, just remember to come back and tell me you commented here for the contest; can be done up to 3 times total for 3 separate entries)

-- Follow me on Twitter (Quirky Jessi) and tweet about the contest (can be done twice a day for multiple entries)

-- Blog about the contest (link back to this post and leave the URL in comments below)

-- Talk about this giveaway somewhere else -- up to 2 separate entries (post on a forum? use Facebook? another site you love? just be sure to leave the link in the comments)

Remember to put each entry in a separate comment so they'll all be counted. :)

~Contest ends at midnight EST, August 22. I need to have your address sent to me by the 23rd. Sorry, contest only open to US residents....unless you want to pay an additional $12 plus 6% GST or 14% HST in Canada~

They found water on Mars!!

Yeah, yeah, it's a few years late, but at the very least, it's chocolate so mmmm! :P

Maybe they'll find the kind of "water on Mars" you were thinking another time...

Back to school time all over again

To kick it off, enjoy these detailed instructions about how to really write a paper in university. For those of you who have written your fair share of college papers, you'll love this one. Oh so true!

Fishing from the kitchen - This guy did it, why can't you?

The answer is probably because you wouldn't go to such lengths this guy did....and you probably don't have this kind of underground river underneath your home.

This Chinese farmer dug a 50 ft. hole inside his house to get to the river beneath, hauls in fish daily, and is making a pretty penny...er...yuan....for his efforts! Not bad at all!

Photo Cufflinks -- Put the baby's sonogram right on!

Um, first of all, do people still really wear cufflinks that much? Secondly, do new daddy's 'really' want to plaster a sonogram on said cufflinks? And thirdly...how can you really even see much on things so small? They look like blurry blobs as it is! Although, I bet this would go over well as present to a brand new grandpa-to-be even better maybe.

If you'd rather pass on the the blurry blob cuffs, then cufflinks with an actual picture on them might be a bigger hit....and even cuter without getting the "what the heck is that?" looks from people trying to discretely check out your cuffs.

Post-it Note Love -- Office supplies go wild

Everybody together now...."Awww...."

Link

I love my post-it notes anyway, so this was just plain cute. :)

Are you feeling cranky today? Silly? Having wild mood swings?

Regardless of how you're feeling, Wild Mood Swings has a site for you. Think of it as a very selective, mood-prompted StumbleUpon.

Just choose a mood (and boy are there plenty, ranging from normal ones like "happy" or "sad" to not-so-normal ones like "like trespassing on government property" or "Swedish"). Wild Mood Swings will then "take you away" to an interesting site to explore. I think they need to add a "quirky" feeling and point people here, but even without that, it was fun to explore. ;)

Dr. Seuss Parody Page -- Rewrites and Analyses

The Dr. Suess Parody Page

Full of links, this site is a great collection of stories that people have rewritten or analyzed. From How the Grinch Stole the Election to Spam-I-Am (Email spam, of course), there are definitely some worth a few giggles, especially if you grew up with Dr. Seuss books or are a huge fan like I am. There's even the Freudian analysis of the Cat in the Hat, and Dr. Seuss's version of the New Testament.

Quirkiest Hotel Swimming Pool

What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, but this is an experience I'd want to share! It sounds like it'd be amazing.

The ($30 million) swimming pool includes a 200,000 gallon shark tank, waterfalls, a three-story waterslide, a poolside bar and seven private cabanas, each with plasma TVs and refrigerators. While you don't actually swim with the sharks, you swim right next to them -- five species of sharks plus game fish.

You can take a virtual tour of the Golden Nugget hotel on their website.

Smile, smile, smile....because you're great :)

And I mean it.

I don't really mess with Twitter any more, but it's times like this that I'm glad I still stop by every now and then to discover gems like this. Yesterday was Friendship Day and I saw multiple tweets that gave a "Happy Friendship Day!" shoutout to various friends.

One particular guy, Warren Whitlock, tweeted this:

When I saw tweeps wishing "Happy Friendship Day" I was reminded of the guy who really got it.. http://budurl.com/valid

Hmm, a guy that really "gets it"? So I clicked and read the post that simply said "take a  few minutes and watch this movie." It wasn't until "a few minutes" had already passed that I actually looked at how long the video was and almost closed it because it was 16 minutes long! This is the internet....my attention span doesn't allow for concentration on a single thing for 16+ minutes!

Okay, so I still did other things while I watched it, but I didn't close it and it was worth those 16 minutes. It's one of those heart warming "aww" moments repeatedly over 16 minutes.

Really, you should smile, and I hope you watch this video and that it makes you smile a few times. Remember, you're great. :)

Here comes Peter Cottontail, blowing up the Bunny Trail....

Not really, of course, but that's what it might look like to people passing by!

The Bunny Project took place in Sweden in 2008. It was done in connection with the opening of the Kalmar Museum of Art, but was put promptly to a halt. They were forced to cancel the "performance" by the Swedish secret police.

Here's the real kicker, though. They stopped it because the Culture Minister refused to give her opening speech if they kept it up. And what was her speech going to be about? How "art must be allowed to be free and provocative." Sigh...